this thing

i dont know what it is... but its been bugging me for the past few days, its a bit diofferent than depression, cause i can still feel enjoyment in things, and do them. but its just this underlying thing that seems to creep up every now and then... and i feel like i have done something, or something is gonna happen, like dread. there are a few things on my mind, but not anything significant enough to trigger these "emotions", i cant really even expalain what they are... maybe thats the reason i feel like this, partly cause i truly dont know what im feeling. it also gets in the way of things, like today, i was watching a movie... but it was like really hard to focus on it, and i didnt really enjoy watching it. the movie was good itself, its just the sitting there and watching part that really got to me. i think i need a vacation, just about 2 more weeks! then summer! yes!

i think i just need to relax some, but still concentrate on things that need attention. that has been the main problem with me forever. there are 2 things that i do, either pay complete attention to everything (even if it dosnt need it), or not pay attention to anything (even if it does need it). there is not really a middle. but these past few weeks have kinda opened my eyes, i am starting to pay attention to things that need it, and letting other things slide, just the right balance. but i think i still need to stop thinking so much... that has got to be that hardest task... i still mess myself up pretty bad thinking about what "could" or "needs" to happen, and not what i must do to make things happen...